STOP, START, CONTINUE
I think this goes without saying, but parenting is hard work. It takes a level of patience that I wasn’t born with. The kind of deep unconditional love that allows you to experience heaven and hell at the same time. An acceptance that you won’t always get it right, you just hope you get it a little more right than the next person because you live in a constant state of comparison. A never-ending struggle over how to spend your time because everything you choose is at the expense of something else – and you aren’t fully able to give 100% of yourself to anything. It’s mentally and physically exhausting and it has the ability to break you.
I often get asked how I ‘do it all.’ And the answer is, I don’t. I feel like I’m barely meeting expectations 90% of the time in most aspects of my life. That’s really kind of sad when you stop and think about it, and yet I can guarantee I’m not the only mother that feels that way.
I have the great fortune of learning from a phenomenal female leader who has mastered the art of simplifying complex issues. Instead of listing out a million goals for the year, she has me focus on one thing I want to stop doing, start doing, and continue doing. Applying this same logic to my personal life has helped silence the negative mind talk so that I can spend my time focused on things that fuel me.
Here are three tips that have helped me navigate the ‘do it all’ trap that consumes our social media feeds and conversations as working moms:
STOP comparing myself to others. This one has hit me hard since starting this blog. It’s a saturated market full of beautiful people outfitted in the latest trends gifted from top retailers, and photographed in Pinterest-worthy settings. And then there’s me with my poor lighting and 90’s Jacuzzi tub in the background, struggling to keep up with my goal of one new post a week in addition to managing all of my social feeds – which is a full-time job in itself. I constantly feel like I don’t stack up. And I do the same thing at work. I have really good ideas but somewhere along the way I lost the confidence to speak up until I’ve vetted them through at least 2-3 other people to get their nod of approval first. It’s unproductive. As a mother, I’ll watch the way others respond to their children when they are melting down, or observe a teaching moment, and the first thing that pops into my head is: “I’m a bad mom because I didn’t think to do it that way.” It’s got to stop. All of it.
START unplugging more. This one is a bit of a catch-22. Blogging is built on being visible on social media, but social media plays a big role in why I keep comparing myself to others. It’s also a major distraction from my own family sitting right in front of me. The other day I was trying to get my 2 –year-old’s attention and without even breaking stride my 4-year-old said, “I know why he doesn’t come when you call him. He doesn’t want to go to you when you are busy on your phone or computer.” BAM. I was instantly in tears. It hit me so hard. My husband doesn’t fully empathize because he’s not on social – and he would agree that I’m focused on my phone too often. So I’m working on it. The key is to find balance. I can do things like scheduling posts ahead of time, or having unplugged hours in the evening while the boys are awake. I need to put down the phone and live in the moment. Because it goes by so quickly.
CONTINUE being authentic. I started my blog because I wanted to break the mold of the typical mommy blogger ‘perfect life’ reality. I share stories of the not-so-glamorous aspects of parenting to evoke laughter and create a sense of connection with my readers. I show various looks on how you can style one article of clothing 5-7 ways to inspire women to look differently at their existing wardrobe knowing that, like me, most don’t have endless funds for shopping. I’m opening the doors for scrutiny by exposing my life in a very real way, and that can be scary. There have been many times where I will be writing and stop and think, “do I want to go there?” and if it’s something that has been weighing heavily on my heart, I always do. What I’ve found is that every time I’ve had those moments of pause, those are the posts that get the most feedback from my readers. I have been moved to tears reading the emails and comments I receive from my community who share that the every day moments of kids screaming are a refreshing dose of reality. Authenticity is what allows you to truly connect with others and I’m grateful for the opportunity to do just that, so I will continue!
Special thanks to Mainstream Boutique for featuring this piece on your Stories We Love blog!
XO,
Amy
♥ Photo Credit: Carly Milbrath Photography
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
The irrationality of a toddler never ceases to amaze me. Couple it with a late bedtime and you find yourself staring at this tiny little demon you created wondering if you should laugh or scream at the insanity.
The irrationality of a toddler never ceases to amaze me. Couple it with a late bedtime and you find yourself staring at this tiny little demon you created wondering if you should laugh or scream at the insanity.
Carter: “I want mommy to tuck me in.”
I carry him upstairs and tuck him into his bed.
Carter: “I want daddy to sleep with me.”
*eye roll*
Me: “Chris! Carter wants you to tuck him in now so come up to his room please.”
Carter: “Not in THIS room, YOUR room!”
I scoop him up and carry him to our room as I yell down to Chris to meet us in there instead.
Chris enters our room and lays down next to Carter.
Carter: “Ugh, what is daddy doing in here? I don’t want HIM in here. Tell him to go!”
Chris: “Carter, you literally just asked for me.”
Carter: “But there are 2 PERSONS in the bed! I ONLY WANT 1 PERSONS IN HERE!”
A little too eagerly, Chris jumps up and exits the room.
Me: faintly whispering “Don’t go….I’m scared”
At this point I realize I’m in it for the long haul so I slowly put my arm under Carter’s head in an attempt to get comfortable and settle in.
Carter: “UGH. DON’T TOUCH ME! Hands to yourself, Mommy!”
I quickly pull my hand out.
30 seconds later, Carter snuggles up next to me.
Me: “Do you want me to put my arm around you?”
Carter: “Well YEAH!” said in an agitated tone.
I reluctantly put my arm under him again and before my head even hit the pillow…
Carter: “I want to sleep in Deklan’s room with daddy!”
Me:
That’s when I tap out, grab my laptop and start writing this shit down because you have to choose laughter or we’ll all go mad.
Cheers,
Amy
HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE EVERYTHING
If you’re looking for some last minute gift-giving inspiration, I thought I’d take a different approach and share a guide that is service and experience oriented.
I live for the shrieking sound kid’s make when they open a gift they are SO excited about they can’t help but scream. I’m a giver so it fills my cup, but last year I’ll admit I completely over did it on gifts so by the time they got to the unveiling of the Disney Cruise they were so tired and overwhelmed they hardly reacted at all. I expected the kind of reaction you see shared on YouTube but you know what I got? Blank stares of exhaustion from waking up too early and overstimulation from all the presents already unwrapped. You know, the ones you throw in at the last minute just so they have more to open. “Just so they would have more to open.” More, more, more. It’s something I struggle with. Always wanting more, striving for more, noticing those who have more or are doing more. More, more, more.
My strategy this year is not about the number of presents or equal dollar amounts spent on both boys, because as they get older it’s harder to keep it fair. And life’s not fair so might as well teach them that now. I’m buying them each the one thing they really want and then sprinkling in a couple smaller things they asked for, and one thing that’s not on their list but you know they need or would like. That’s it.
If you’re looking for some last minute gift-giving inspiration, I thought I’d take a different approach and share a guide that is service and experience oriented.
A subscription to a service that will make their lives a little easier.
Healthy Weekly Planning with My Everyday Table (Emily is my girl and I’m telling you this will cut your grocery bill and time in half!)
Meal prep services like Blue Apron, Hello Fresh, Plated
Pre-pay their nanny or routine babysitter for x amount of hours
A subscription to something that will make their lives more enjoyable.
Spotify Premium
Newspaper or Magazine
A membership somewhere to benefit their mind or body
Core Power Yoga, Orange Theory, Farrell’s, The Bar Method, Beach Body
Golf Course or Tennis Club
GC to a spa (MN peeps the Woodhouse Day Spa is a MUST!)
Event fee to a mindfulness or personal growth conference or retreat
Microblading (@emilyapolis did my brows and I’m obsessed!)
Set up a Personal Shopping Service (with me, obvi!)
Wardrobe Consultation (also with me!)
For your #momtribe with little’s:
Passes to indoor play areas (MN Peeps: Playground Plaza, Minisota Play Cafe, Stages Theatre Classes, Dance with Carter at the Millennium Dance Company, The MN Zoo, Children’s Museum, Nickelodeon Universe)
Something to do together:
Go to a play
A “choose their own adventure” coupon to plan a special one on one day
Comedy Show
Concert Tickets
Night at a hotel with a fun pool or an indoor water park
Vacation or Weekend Getaway
Update their style game with style box subscriptions
XO,
Amy
THERE’S SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH 3 YEAR OLDS
It all begins with an idea.
Here’s an example. Deklan wanted to bring a snack in the car to pick up Carter from school so I told him to grab one for his little brother, too. Anxious to present Carter with his cup of Cheerios, he handed it to him while I was still attempting to get him buckled in his carseat. One fell out onto his lap so I pulled a total mom move: picked it up and pretended I was going to put it back in the bowl and then ate it. I’ve done it a dozen times, but this time all hell broke loose…
Carter in tears: “I was going to eat that! Give it back to me!”
Me: “Too late.”
Carter: “Why did you eat it? I want it!”
Me: “I was just being silly. I’m sorry you didn’t find it funny.”
Carter: “You are so mean, Mommy! Chew it back out!”
Deklan coming to my defense: “Carter, you have a whole bowl of them, you don’t need that one.”
Me: “Deklan will you share one of yours with me, too? That way you are both short one.”
Deklan hands me one without hesitation.
Me: “There, Carter. Now you have the same amount as brother.”
Carter: “CHEW IT BACK OUT! I WANT MINE BACK!”
Deklan: “Here, Carter, you can have one of mine, too.”
Carter: “NO! I WANT THE ONE MOMMY ATE! SHE’S SO MEAN. I WANT IT BACK.”
Deklan and I make eye contact in the rear view mirror giving each other a look that said buckle up because this isn’t going to end any time soon.
Me: “Carter. I cannot ‘chew it back up’. I would have to gag myself, throw up in my hand, and hand you a pile of throw up. Is that what you want?”
Carter: “YES!”
Okay, Psycho…This has gone from kind of funny to disturbing the minute he agreed to eat my vomit. Ready to put an end to this nonsense, I quickly scan the floor mats in the back at the next red light and spot a lone Cheerio amongst a pile of popcorn and pistachio shells from God knows when. I pick it up quickly, make a vomiting sound, and open up my hand offering the stale Cheerio to Carter.
Me: “Here you go. I chewed it back up.”
Carter: *with delight in his eyes he stops crying and eats the Cheerio.*
Me: “I have no words…”
I glance at Deklan in the rear view mirror again and he’s looking at Carter with disgust and then looks up at me and tries not to giggle while he shakes his head in disbelief.
Ironically, Son, you were this bat shit crazy at 3 too and I have many blog posts to prove it!